fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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