brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
