...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
