He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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