maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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