i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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