Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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