And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
