What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
