laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
