So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
