as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
