I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
