if you like me you must not know who I am
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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