I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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