Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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