Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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