***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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