I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
