Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
