Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
