If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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