i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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