She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
