hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
