guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
