I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im part way to drunk.
Drake has all the answers
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
