You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize