He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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