There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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