the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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