i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
