i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
