i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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