arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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