we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
