So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize