I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
