Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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