I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
