I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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