Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
