i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
