Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
