you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize