My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
