Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
