You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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