I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
