he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
