I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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