Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
