I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
