capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
