I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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