just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize