i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i will never coherently bang her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
