Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
