I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
