New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Panties = found
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
