Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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