Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
