tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
