College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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