I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
