So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
