I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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