One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
