I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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