I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
