I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
