And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
