There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
