I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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