Sponge bath it is.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
