I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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