im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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