it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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