this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
