U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize