you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize