I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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