Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
