no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
