im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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