Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
