question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
