so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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