i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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