I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
